The year is 50 BC,
Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans,
Entirely? Not quite,
One small village of indomitable Gauls
still holds out against the invaders,
Under the watchful eye of the Roman camps
Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium,
all these Gauls enjoy a peaceful existence,
All? Not quite,
This morning, one of them has woken well before the others,
Fly safely, Telegraphix.
A Gaul may be indomitable
but can be conquered,
For a while now, Lovesix's heart
beats only for Irina, Princess of Greece,
ASTERIX AT THE OLYMPIC GAMES
Princess, look. Telegraphix is back.
What have you brought me now?
Today, Irina, I begin my journey
And your love will be my guide
At last your eyes my face will see
In three moons, my sweet, I shall be at your side
Three moons...
OLYMPIC GAMES SELECTION OF BEST ATHLETES
Hello, is this the entrance?
- Get to the back. - Shrimp!
- Cool it! - Sweep out the stadium!
STAFF ENTRANCE HIRING NOW
Sorry.
Never! I'll never marry him!
You'll marry Caesar's son Brutus after the games!
You owe it to Greece to ease the Roman occupation.
Father, you embody the grandeur of our civilization.
How can you obey a tyrant?
Caesar rules the world. We have to accept it!
I won't marry Brutus
because I love another.
Your mysterious Prince Charming with his schmaltzy drivel.
I'm in love with his words.
The words of a poet
engraved upon my heart.
Even Apollo couldn't make me forget them.
Maybe Brutus writes them.
Brutus is a brave, virtuous, upstanding fellow.
And an intrepid horseman too, I hear.
Honest!
Praetorians, halt!
We weren't expecting you, Brutus.
Tweety!
Gently, Tweety!
Gently!
It's nothing. A slippery leopard skin.
Silenceus!
Have the groom quartered.
And get this damn bird stuffed!
I desire your heart as Caesar desires the world
Armed with my love, I launch my attack
The pretty weasel, the charming deer,
The jay, the slow worm,
My friends of the woods
Dance along in my footsteps
To cry out as one with me...
Irina!
It's you?
It's him?
It's me!
Brutus!
You're here so early!
Traffic was light.
I was eager to meet my betrothed.
You didn't lie, Obnoxias.
She's magnificent.
I bear gifts.
Showtime!
Pretty imposing, huh?
It's me and you. And a big lion.
Picture it at home. I used my imagination.
And that's not all.
I know you like poetry and it just so happens...
I'm a big fan myself.
I've written a few lines
in praise of your beauty.
Helmet!
First, when there's nothing
But a slow glowing dream That your fear seems to hide
Deep inside your mind
All alone, I have cried
Silent tears full of pride
In a world made of steel, made of stone
What a feeling, being's believing,,,
Well, it's not...
- Am I ridiculous? - Not at all!
I am. It's because
I wasn't totally into it. I'll try it again.
- No way! - Who said that?
I did.
My name is Lovesix.
- What's your name? - Lovesix.
I'm from the only village in Gaul resisting Caesar!
Are you now?
I love Princess Irina and...
I want to marry her.
How dare you defy Brutus?
Are you an emperor's son?
What mighty feats make you
worthy of the hand of a princess?
- I'll win the Olympic Games! - Will you now?
So what do I do now? Tell me. I don't get it.
Throw myself at your feet?
Do a Zorba dance?
Very funny, little Gaul.
Quarter him!
- No! - No?
- I accept the challenge. - What challenge?
I'll marry the winner of the Games.
What is this tosh?
The King of Greece must marry his daughter
to a man who is as brave as the Greek people.
Here I am!
Just a sec.
Playing hard to get, huh?
I like it. I like it!
All right...
Basically, if those are my daughter's wishes,
those are the king's wishes.
- Meaning? - Well... So be it!
I'll tell my dad.
Wait! He's just a tiny Gaul.
Clear off!
On your chariot!
Your rags.
Strength is dumb.
Why say that, Obelix?
It's dumb and it's mean.
Wolves eat lambs,
sharks eat little fishies,
spiders eat flies...
The weakest are always the kindest.
We can try to defend the weak.
But when I slap someone strong, since I'm stronger,
he becomes weak.
When the Romans attack, we're weak. We have to fight back.
True strength means holding back your strength.
I'll never be strong again.
- What's up? - No idea.
I'll ask him.
Excuse me, Roman. Is someone chasing you?
We saw you jogging so...
We thought a boar was after you.
You call this jogging?
I'm Gluteus Maximus! The fastest man in the Roman Empire!
You do walk a little fast.
I'm the strongest!
I've been selected to represent Rome at the Olympic Games, by Jupiter!
I'll give you jogging!
Catch this!
See, you just can't help yourself.
It's because of the tree.
Yeah, sure...
Without trees, he'd be fine.
That's forests for you. You meet a lot of trees.
Gluteus!
It's the wind.
It pushed you and it uprooted the tree.
Absolutely.
I'm the strongest!
Make your day! Go ahead, you Gaul!
It's not right to want to be the strongest all the time!
- I'm sick of being the Roman! - Your turn.
No, I'm sick of losing.
- I'm Asterix, not a Roman! - Let me slap you.
Lovesix!
Lovesix is back!
He's here!
Lovesix is here! Lovesix is back!
Caesar doesn't age...
He matures.
His hair doesn't go grey... It lightens.
Caesar is immortal...
for years to come.
Caesar is mighty, all-conquering.
He's a leopard,
a samurai.
He's indebted to no man.
Not Rocco or his brothers
or the Sicilian clan!
Caesar has the right stuff.
The Academy even named Caesar Best Emperor.
Ave, me!
Ave!
It's me, Brutus. Open up!
Code?
29AJC48.
Tenacius, the code.
- Code? - The door code.
4.
7.
No, 1,000!
- Do you know it? - No, he does.
Get lost.
A-V-E-U...
- 24! - Enough already!
As for you... don't move, whatever you do.
Stay! You'll like it.
Battering ram!
Ave, Caesar. Your son's here.
He knows.
Egypt has her 7 plagues. Caesar has Brutus.
Ave, Dad. I was in Greece.
- A word. - He's listening.
A small hitch. My wedding has been delayed.
It's OK, nothing serious.
That slob Obnoxias will marry her to the Olympic winner.
So, I've decided to represent Rome!
- Who? You? - Yeah!
- Ridiculous! - Why?
You can't represent yourself!
- Romans run faster, jump higher... - Me!
Caesar is Roman. The world is well conceived.
Your proper place is behind Caesar!
- I'm going anyway. - Caesar says no!
- Whatever... - By Jupiter! Speak up!
It's always the same.
Whenever I want the slightest thing,
you cut me down. If Mama were here...
Forget your mother!
So be it. The die is cast.
If you want to show off, do it!
Go Greek on me!
Dad!
Excuse me.
I brought you a souvenir from Greece, a bag of olives.
My taster's dead.
Oh, they're pitted.
This year alone,
your little gifts have cost me 47 tasters!
Really? 47? That's a lot.
No, but these are kosher.
Go on, swallow it.
One leopard had to go.
Lovesix is back from Greece. Let's give him a fitting welcome!
Where is our great traveller?
Lovesix, what are you up to?
Carry me over!
Is that a Greek custom?
To marry the Princess, I must win the Olympics.
I never will, so I'd rather hang.
Lovesix, you're hanging by your feet...
I want to love, not die.
- Win the what? - The Olympic Games.
They're held every 4 years.
For Greeks and Roman provinces only.
We're Gauls! We're not allowed to go.
He hangs, so lovesick
But upside down, he'll just be sick!
That's excellent!
No one's listening.
- I'll help you win the games. - What's that?
- I have a heart. - That's irrelevant.
- We're Gauls, not Romans. - Let's dress up as Romans!
- How? - I'll cut off my moustache.
By Toutatis!
We are Romans!
Romans? Since when?
Since Julius Caesar conquered Gaul!
We didn't fight at Gergovia for nothing!
Calm down. It's bad for your heart.
Asterix is right.
We're a Roman province, so we're Romans!
Kissy kissy...
We can take part?
And win?
Wed a princess?
I'll go to Greece, too.
Why not? To sing my hymn to Gaul!
Obelix, the strong, the weak...
I just confiscated the harp.
Asterix and Obelix will take Lovesix to Olympia!
Teach Caesar a lesson once and for all!
I'll come, too. I'll make my potion there.
Up with us Romans!
Potion?
A secret weapon! We must tell Caesar.
Know what Caesar does to bearers of bad news?
Nice. Gentlemen.
Not that way.
One day I'll fly away,,,
- These Gauls are crazy! - Let's go.
- I'm the best! - Superb!
Look at that hold!
Look at my abs!
My dorsals! My pecs!
3 pecs! What a eunuch!
- Your neck? - Eunuch.
I had him snipped. He was partying all night.
I'm tired of sport.
Help me. I'm stiff all over.
How did I do in the high jump?
12 feet, O great Brutus.
The long jump?
26 feet, O very great Brutus.
I'm progressing. The wide jump?
No such thing!
I'll sleep now.
Silenceus! Sing me a song.
Brutus is great
Brutus is first-rate
Brutus is courageous Brutus is generous
He'd give gold to the poor
No, not the poor! Get real!
Count the press-ups.
596, 597,
598,
599,
600,,,
Ave, Brutus!
Ave!
Formation time! A tortoise.
Tortoise formation!
- That's no tortoise. - It is.
No, it's not.
It is, in army terms, that's a tortoise formation.
In army terms. But in animal terms,
it's round with 4 paws and an ugly mug.
That's a tortoise. I want it in animal terms.
Tortoise formation in animal terms!
Now that's what I call a tortoise.
What's that formation?
It's an... attack formation.
- Attacking what? - Well, attacking us.
Us?
What?
- The Games... - Yes, what?
If you want to win...
What am I doing? Train hard!
I mean, great Brutus, you have to run, throw, wrestle... yourself.
Wait a minute.
- Was that an order? - No!
- Yes, it was an order! - It wasn't.
Silenceus, did he give me an order?
Sometimes I regret having your tongue cut out. Speak up!
You gave me an order.
But it doesn't matter.
Sin confessed, sin half pardoned.
Say: "Yes, I gave you an order."
Yes...
I gave...
you... Ah, you!
I gave you an order.
There you go.
You were scared? I'm not a monster.
Thought you'd be quartered?
Thought he'd be quartered!
Throw him to the lions! That'll teach him!
I have just what you need, great Brutus.
A new elixir I made myself.
I called it EPO, Elixir Pro Olympics.
My masterpiece.
It can't be detected by the beetle test.
Does it work?
Does EPO work?
I'll turn your athletes into Apollos!
Silenceus.
Put it down.
Last time.
So, tell me... in this mess,
would you have something to eliminate a guy who...
rules over the world and his son...
and whose son wants to get rid of him?
You want to kill Caesar?
Do you or don't you?
For Caesar, I don't have something...
I have the thing!
What're you waiting for? Go get it.
Come here, you.
Great Brutus, this is Covadinpus!
An inventor of killing machines. Remarkable boy.
Very inventive.
You bullshitting me?
No, never, O great Brutus.
Doctorjekyllus, I'll use you for my next experiments,
you piece of sh...
What's your name, dwarf?
Covadinpus.
Covadinpoo...
I'm Brutus.
Great Brutus! Evil Brutus! Call me what you like.
My rules are simple.
If you make me happy and content, I'll cover you in gold.
But if you disappoint me...
I'll have you quartered!
What have you got?
It depends on the kind of death you want.
Slow... fast... alone on the couch...
hideous agony... death by poisoning...
No, just dead, nothing fancy.
I was parched!
I think I have the solution.
- Dissolution! - What?
Dissolution! Dissolve him.
It looks just like bath salts...
It smells just like bath salts, but it isn't.
With this, he's dissolved in a flash.
- Size of the bath? - 30 by 10.
30 by 10?
No more than 4 grains.
Is it for a wedding, a birth?
A retirement.
I'll see you in Olympia.
Greece is a long haul.
Greece! The Acropolis... its sky blue sea...
Listen. It ends with:
"I drift forever among the whales
Your love in my heart is the wind in my sails"
How do you manage to put words together so beautifully?
First, I eat. A little.
Then, I have to forget I'm strong. And the words just flow.
You've made me hungry.
For a few days,
Rome will lose its status as capital of the Empire
for another city
attracts the athletes and supporters from around the world,
The champions from every province will nobly compete
and thus celebrate the universal virtue of sport
in the magnificent city that symbolises it:
Olympia!
J ust a second, you two. I D parchment!
- Ave, Caesar! - Ave, Caesar, sure...
They seem uptight.
With Caesar attending the Games,
they're afraid of chariot bombs.
Chariot bombs!
- Why add a new sport? - To liven up the Games!
Let's get modern here, you jokers.
You get a haggis.
11 athletes in short togas
kick it around until it reaches
a fishing net. What do you think?
What would you call this new sport?
Well, I'd call it feet-ball.
Absurd.
- It'll never catch on! - Maybe.
Excuse me!
We'd like to sign up.
Wrong line. The ticket office is over there.
We're not spectators, we're athletes.
Yes, the Gallo-Roman team!
Athletes? You?
Can't you tell?
Of course we can tell. Idiots!
Get your portraits engraved to the left.
Have a nice day.
Ave, Dad!
Hold this.
Ave, Dad!
Let a sleeping Caesar lie.
Sorry. I just got in. A huge chariot jam held me up.
All roads lead to Rome but try getting out!
Settling in with the Greeks?
Caesar has moved house.
Greece is part of the Empire. Caesar is at home everywhere.
Great news. Look what I've brought you from Rome.
What is it this time?
Bath salts. Incredible. They soften up your skin.
They relax you. Know what?
I'll run you a bath to try them.
A perfumer makes them near the catacombs. A lovely fellow.
You're out conquering day in, day out.
Empire building's fine but you ignore your local shopkeepers now.
And that's a pity.
This'll make Pop fizz!
Maybe I've overdone it.
Dad! Ignore the bubbles. They're normal.
The water's too hard here. That'll soften it.
Nothing worse than itching in your armour.
Right... Father, have a delicious bath.
Helmet!
Bath tester!
Do we have to train too?
Don't! You'll only discourage everybody.
It's not fair...
Obelix! We know him!
Running in the woods. Gluteus...
- Gluglu... - Maxi...
Mus!
Gluteus Maximus!
Not the Gauls!
He fell off!
See you around!
That's them! The invincible Gauls!
We've had it! We've had it!
- Let me see Brutus. - He's busy.
- Keep out. - Where's Brutus?
I have an urgent message.
The Gauls use a magic potion. They're invincible. We can't win.
We'll get quartered!
Meet the winners.
Not much of a likeness.
Get the hecklers quartered.
- She's pretty. - I know.
Ave, Dad!
Ave, me!
Not bad!
Excuse me... Excuse me, let me through.
Excuse me...
- A fine organ. - Thanks.
- You're a musician? - A bard from Gaul.
Good heavens, I'm a bard too! I'm Cacofonix.
Yes, it's me.
I know all your songs!
I love Armorica
Papa was a gladiator
I love Rock 'n' Gaul
That wasn't me.
Delighted. I'm a big fan of yours.
I'm a big fan of mine too.
I'm up next. Is the EPO ready?
Fresh this morning.
Perfect!
This stuff pongs!
It doesn't smell good,
it makes you good.
Doctorjekyllus! Let's break some records!
Not bad...
Never saw him without armour.
It can be misleading but with him...
Hand it over!
I mean, you have the 6-pack there but...
Could be an opening.
Guess not.
Look out, Dad!
You can't make an omelette...
Who makes omelettes? Athletes don't have time to cook.
OK, Dad?
I'm no athlete but I'd like to try that.
- What? Launch a disc? - Yes.
I prefer the hammer.
Go, Asterix! Go!
Show 'em what we're made of!
- It's us! My village! - Go, Gaul!
Watch this.
It's the magic potion, see.
- The magic potion? - It's all in the dosing.
- It's all in the wrist. - In the wrist?
Hurry it up!
She's pretty armless now!
You're getting on my nerves. Cut it out now.
I'm good with a javelin but I got the run-up wrong.
They're invincible. It's their magic potion.
We can't beat them.
- What was that? - They're invincible.
No, just after that.
We can't beat them.
No, between the two!
Magic potion?
The Gauls have a magic potion and you never told me?
- I told your centurion. - Which one?
Show me! I'll have his tongue cut out.
Objection!
Complaint! Protest!
They're cheating!
These Gauls have taken a magic potion to be invincible.
And you took nothing?
That's different. I lost.
We'll use the beetlyser test!
Meaning?
You take a beetle.
Like that. And you blow into it hard.
See? No reaction. It's negative.
Over to you.
See that?
I fell in as a baby.
It's not in the dosing, it's in the doping.
Show a little solidarity! They cheated by mistake.
The Gallo-Romans are disqualified!
For using magic to augment their prowess!
And so the winner of this heat is...
Greece!
We'll meet again!
A single defeat could be fatal.
Your performance is a disgrace!
Listen, if you don't win,
you won't just lose your wedding but your status too!
Caesar will give you the Empire's most barbaric little province!
You'll never set sandal in Rome again, by Juno!
And by myself! Ave!
- Don't care. I'll kill you. - What did you say?
Me? Nothing.
Oh, yes, I was thinking out loud.
- I'll give Dad a gift. - Be gone!
Your helmet!
Lovesix... It's not over.
It's not over yet.
Not over yet.
With or without the potion, we are brave Gauls!
Their muscles are 10 times bigger.
Muscles? It's just decoration.
Their skeleton's the same as yours.
Yours is actually bigger.
- Think of your princess. - Exactly! Obelix is right.
Think of Irina.
He's a perfect sparring partner. You can't hurt him!
On guard!
Think of Irina.
No! Hit me harder.
- Hit him! - Hard.
- Go on. - Take that!
Imagine he's Brutus.
Use your shoulder!
No, wait.
Asterix is right.
Put your shoulder into it. Like this.
- Why hit him? - I didn't. I showed him.
- You hit him! - Didn't!
I illustrated your words.
Did I ask you to illustrate my words?
Do we train him or not?
I train him. You do nothing!
Yeah, Mister Asterix gives advice! Mister Asterix knows best!
So, you give the advice since Mister Obelix is so smart!
Don't want to!
We didn't wait for Cacofonix?
Oh, don't we look sulky?
- Give me some joy. - Joy schmoy!
What're you doing here?
I'd had enough of our village where talent is crushed.
I'm in the City of the Arts
to sing of your feats!
- Put the harp away. - Lovesix...
Don't say that, Lovesix.
Your odds are good.
Your lover's heart is...
much stronger than an athlete's.
Nice line. I love it!
An athlete's heart...
a lover's heart.
An athlete's heart, a lover's heart.
Irina!
Lovesix!
"A kiss, when all is said and done, what is it?
An oath ratified,
a sealed promise.
An avowal seeking confirmation.
A rose-dot on...
A rose-dot on..."
...on?
"...the 'i' of adoration."
- The what? - The "i".
- The what? - The "i"!
- Anyone there? - Nobody!
Introduce me to the talking bush, please.
This is Obelix, Princess.
Hi, Princess.
I'm just his mouthguard... bodyguard.
That's right, my bodyguard. He's incredibly strong.
Really? Let's see.
- No. - Oh, yes!
- Jump. - No, Irina!
- Thank you. - I've never held a princess before!
Go for a little walk.
Dogmatix and I will keep a lookout.
You're in love, too!
They're beautiful!
They're beautiful, too!
You have to go back up now. I'll make a ladder.
- They're beautiful! - Careful, Obelix.